Family Law · Divorce · Pittsburgh
Your Spouse Hired a Divorce Attorney in Pennsylvania: What That Means and What to Do Now
Your spouse retained a divorce attorney. You are being asked to do two things at once that most people cannot do separately. You are mourning the end of your marriage — the grief is real and it does not have a schedule. And you are simultaneously navigating five legal proceedings that do have schedules: the divorce itself, equitable distribution of everything you built together, support during the proceeding, child support if there are children, and custody. Each moves on its own timeline. Each has consequences if you do not participate. The attorney your spouse retained does not represent you. You need someone who understands both what you are going through and what Pennsylvania law requires of you while you are going through it.
Mourning and litigation. Grief and equitable distribution. At the same time. With deadlines. Most people can manage one of those things. Being asked to manage both — alone, while the other side has professional help — is the situation you are in. Knowing what you want from this divorce and knowing what Pennsylvania law will actually produce are not always the same thing. That gap is what your attorney closes.
The attorney your spouse retained does not represent you. Hiring your own attorney is not escalation. It is the only way to have someone in the room whose job is to know what you can get — not just what you want.
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Which of these is closest to what you are dealing with?
I just found out. Nothing has been filed yet.
This is the best time to retain counsel — before positions are stated on the record, before temporary support is established, before custody arrangements begin to form. What gets put in place in the first weeks tends to stay in place.
I was served with a complaint.
Pennsylvania divorce is not a lawsuit you lose by failing to file an answer. But the economic claims — equitable distribution, support, custody — require your active participation. They will not wait for the decree. Call before those proceedings develop without you.
My spouse wants to use one attorney for both of us.
That attorney represents your spouse. A Pennsylvania attorney cannot ethically represent both parties in a divorce. Every document that attorney drafts was written by someone whose professional obligation runs to the other side. That is not a shared resource. That is your spouse having counsel and you not having it.
I am worried hiring an attorney will make things worse.
Your spouse already hired one. The question is not whether attorneys are involved — they are. The question is whether you have one. Knowing what you want and what you can get are not always the same thing. Your attorney tells you the difference.
We have children and I am worried about custody.
Custody is a separate proceeding from the divorce with its own factors under 23 Pa.C.S. § 5328. Temporary arrangements established early tend to become the baseline for final orders. If your spouse’s attorney has already proposed a custody schedule you need someone to evaluate it before you agree to anything.
There is a business or significant assets involved.
Equitable distribution of marital assets proceeds on its own timeline — separate from the divorce decree, separate from support, separate from custody. A business valuator may already have been retained on the other side. The asset inventory your spouse provided to their attorney is their version of what exists and what it is worth. You need your own version.
What Your Spouse’s Attorney Is Actually Managing
A Pennsylvania divorce is not one proceeding. It is five separate legal matters that proceed simultaneously on different timelines. The divorce itself — the decree dissolving the marriage — requires either mutual consent after a 90-day waiting period under 23 Pa.C.S. § 3301(c) or one year of separation under § 3301(d). That is the procedural minimum for the decree only. It does not control the other four proceedings.
Alimony pendente lite — support paid during the divorce proceeding — can be sought immediately after filing. Equitable distribution of marital assets under 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502 proceeds on its own schedule through discovery, appraisals, and negotiation that often takes years. Child support is a separate proceeding governed by the guidelines under 23 Pa.C.S. § 4301 et seq. Custody is a separate proceeding with its own factors under 23 Pa.C.S. § 5328 and its own hearing schedule. Post-divorce alimony is determined separately after the decree enters. Your spouse’s attorney has been thinking about all five of these simultaneously since the retainer was signed. The question is whether you have someone thinking about all five on your side.
You Are Angry. That Is Appropriate. Now Use It Correctly.
Most people who find out their spouse retained a divorce attorney are angry. The anger is appropriate. Their spouse made a unilateral decision that affects the next decade of their life and did it without a conversation. That anger is real and it does not need to be talked out of. But anger that drives litigation strategy produces a specific outcome — escalating legal fees, motions that do not move the needle, a proceeding that runs longer and costs more than it needed to. The party that spends $200,000 litigating a $400,000 marital estate has made a calculation that rarely holds up in retrospect.
The other side will posture. They will file motions. They will send letters that are designed to provoke a response. Some of those letters require a response. Most of them are positioning. The party that mistakes posturing for substance and responds to every move with an equal and opposite motion has handed the other side control of the pace and the budget. The disciplined party — the one who knows what they can get, who waits for the right moment, who lets the other side overspend and wear themselves out — settles from a position of strength when the other side is tired and running low on both money and momentum. That is not passivity. That is how these cases are won.
Mourning and Litigation at the Same Time
The caller who finds this page is not just navigating five simultaneous legal proceedings. They are mourning. Grieving a marriage, a family structure, a version of their life that is ending. And while they are grieving they are being required to produce financial documents, attend support conferences, respond to discovery requests, negotiate custody schedules, and make decisions that will affect them financially for decades. The emotional reality and the procedural reality do not take turns. They happen at the same time.
Most people can manage one of those things well. Most people cannot manage both simultaneously — alone — while the other side has a professional whose only job is to manage the procedural reality on their behalf. That is not a criticism. It is the situation. The attorney your spouse retained is not managing their grief. They are managing the five proceedings. You need someone managing yours while you manage yours.
What the Other Attorney Has That You Do Not
When your spouse retained a divorce attorney they sat down and told their story. The attorney heard the narrative your spouse wants to establish — what the marriage looked like, what the assets are, what the children’s situation is, what your spouse wants the outcome to be. The attorney may have already identified the marital assets, considered the equitable distribution factors, begun thinking about the support calculation, and evaluated the custody arrangement your spouse wants to propose. That is the information asymmetry you are starting with. Your spouse has told their story. You have not told yours yet.
Pennsylvania is a no-fault divorce state. What happened in the marriage — who did what to whom — does not determine whether the divorce is granted. But the equitable distribution factors under 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502 include the length of the marriage, the contribution of each party to marital assets, the economic circumstances of each party, and the standard of living established during the marriage. The story your spouse told their attorney shapes how those factors are framed. Your attorney tells the same story from a different perspective — yours.
Knowing What You Want and What You Can Get
Most people going through a divorce know what they want. They want the house. They want primary custody. They want the business to stay intact. They want the retirement account they spent thirty years building. What they do not always know is what Pennsylvania law will actually produce — and those two things are not always the same. The spouse who wants to keep the house may not be able to keep the house if the equity is needed to equalize the distribution. The spouse who wants primary custody will have their request evaluated against sixteen statutory factors a judge will apply. The spouse who built a business during the marriage may find that its appreciated value during the marriage is marital property subject to distribution.
An attorney does not tell you what you want. You already know that. An attorney tells you what you can get — the realistic range of outcomes under Pennsylvania law applied to your specific facts — so that the decisions you make during the proceeding are informed decisions rather than decisions made in grief without knowing what the law will do. That is the gap your attorney closes. For a full discussion of how equitable distribution works in Pennsylvania see our page on equitable distribution in Pennsylvania.
The One Attorney for Both of Us Problem
A Pennsylvania attorney cannot ethically represent both spouses in a divorce. The interests are directly adverse — one spouse’s share of the marital assets is the other’s loss, one spouse’s custody time is the other’s time away from the children. A single attorney serving both parties is an ethics violation regardless of how cooperative both parties believe they are. If your spouse’s attorney has suggested handling the divorce for both of you, that attorney represents your spouse. Every document that attorney drafts, every proposal that attorney makes, was written by someone whose professional obligation runs to the other side.
Mediation is different. A mediator is a neutral who helps both parties reach agreement but does not represent either one and cannot give either party legal advice. Many Pennsylvania divorces resolve through mediation or negotiated settlement. Having your own attorney does not prevent a cooperative resolution — it ensures that any resolution you reach is one you understood and agreed to knowingly, with someone in your corner who knows what you could have gotten if you had not agreed.
A Pittsburgh couple had been married for nineteen years. The husband owned a landscaping business he had built during the marriage. The wife retained a divorce attorney. She told the husband she had spoken to an attorney just to understand her options and suggested they use the same attorney to keep things simple and save money. The husband agreed. Over four months he met with her attorney twice, provided financial documents, and signed an interim agreement about the marital home. He received a proposed settlement. The business was valued at $340,000. The proposed settlement gave the wife forty percent of that value plus the marital home plus support. He retained his own attorney. His attorney retained a business valuator who produced a value of $210,000 using a different methodology. The case settled at a business interest payment of $178,000 — $136,000 less than the original proposal. His attorney spent the first two months of the engagement working on what had been built without him in the first four. Four months of participating in a process managed entirely by the other side cost him four months of ground and nearly $136,000. He was not deceived. He simply had no one whose job was to know what he could get.
Pennsylvania divorce and equitable distribution are governed by the Divorce Code at 23 Pa.C.S. § 3301 et seq. Equitable distribution factors are at 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502. Support proceedings are governed by 23 Pa.C.S. § 4301 et seq. Custody factors are at 23 Pa.C.S. § 5328. Divorce proceedings in Allegheny County are handled through the Allegheny County Court of Common Pleas, Family Division.
Frequently Asked Questions
My spouse retained a divorce attorney. Do I have to hire one too?
You are not required to retain counsel. But your spouse’s attorney represents your spouse — not you. Divorce in Pennsylvania involves five simultaneous proceedings — the divorce itself, equitable distribution, alimony pendente lite, child support, and custody — each with its own rules and consequences. Proceeding without your own attorney means proceeding without anyone whose professional obligation runs to you across all five of those proceedings simultaneously. Most people can manage the grief or the litigation. Managing both at once, alone, while the other side has professional help, is a different task.
How long do I have to respond to a divorce complaint in Pennsylvania?
Pennsylvania divorce is not a civil lawsuit you lose by failing to file an answer. The proceedings depend on which ground is used. In a separation-based no-fault divorce under 23 Pa.C.S. § 3301(d) the responding spouse has 20 days to file a Counter-Affidavit under Pa.R.C.P. 1920.42. In a mutual consent divorce under § 3301(c) both spouses wait 90 days from service before filing Affidavits of Consent. Neither timeline controls equitable distribution, support, or custody — those proceedings move independently and require your active participation regardless of the divorce ground being used.
Will hiring an attorney make the divorce more hostile?
Your spouse already hired one. The question is not whether attorneys are involved — they are. The question is whether you have one. Pennsylvania is a no-fault divorce state. The proceedings resolve based on the facts, the applicable law, and the negotiating positions of the parties — not on how cooperative anyone appears. A divorce where one party has an attorney and the other does not is not more peaceful. It is more one-sided.
My spouse says we can use one attorney to save money. Is that okay?
No. A Pennsylvania attorney cannot ethically represent both spouses in a divorce. Your interests are directly adverse. If your spouse’s attorney has offered to handle the divorce for both of you, that attorney represents your spouse. The cost savings are real. But the trade-off is having no one in the room who knows what you could have gotten — and whose job it is to get it for you.
What should I do right now before I retain an attorney?
Do not sign anything. Do not move money. Do not have substantive conversations with your spouse’s attorney. Gather financial documents you have access to — tax returns, bank statements, retirement account statements, mortgage statements — and keep copies somewhere secure. Then call an attorney before the proceedings develop further without your participation.
For related topics see our pages on equitable distribution in Pennsylvania, divorce in Pennsylvania, high asset divorce in Pennsylvania, business owner divorce in Pennsylvania, and child custody in Pennsylvania.
At Lebovitz & Lebovitz, P.A. in Pittsburgh, we represent individuals in divorce, equitable distribution, support, and custody proceedings throughout Allegheny County and Western Pennsylvania.